The Single Slice

Congratulations single folks! You’ve almost made it through the holiday season gaunlet!

But like any Herculean feat of strength, the last challenge will be the most difficult.

New Year’s Eve.

(If I had sound effects on the blog that would have sounded similar to this.)

A holiday that by very tradition includes a necessity to be coupled up.  To find that “special someone” to kiss at midnight and start the New Year with. It also includes the tradition of promising that you will commit to a plethora of resolutions and goals that you will most likely  give up on by January 18th or so. (Just ask any of the local gyms.)

But I digress. Back to that whole kiss at midnight thing. Seriously. Don’t you kind of want to find whoever came up with the whole thing and punch them in the face? Over on Kissing Matters, they date the practice back to Ancient Roman times when people would “throw a big party every New Year’s Eve called the Festival of Saturnalia where they would kiss and generally debauch one another as much as possible.”

Yep. Sounds like many of the New Year’s Eve celebrations I’ve been invited to in the past.
Not for me, not this New Year’s Eve. Damn the kiss! Well, ok. If there’s a really cute boy kicking around tomorrow night I wouldn’t be ADVERSE to a kiss. But it would totally be a no-strings-attached kiss. Unless, you know, said unknown cute boy wanted to attach strings.

GAH!

Do you see how easy it is to fall down the slippery kiss at midnight slope. I blame When Harry Met Sally.

So how do you make it through the Dick Clark countdown and into 2011 without feeling like the sludge on the underside of a slug?  Here are some ideas:

Remember: You are not alone – In Portland alone there will be tens of thousands of single folks ringing in the New Year without their kisses. I know, that sinking feeling at the bottom of your stomach sure FEELS like you are the only one. But I promise, YOU AREN’T! Heck, I’ll be ringing in the New Year’s sans kiss (unless random cute boy…GAH…STOP!!) so you can find some comraderie in that fact alone!

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Taxi

Spend The Evening With Other Singles – I’ve done the whole “celebrate with friends” thing where I was the only single person in a group of couples.  The awkward 3rd/5th/11th wheel.  Nothing will send you tumbling into the pit of despair referenced above faster than spending the night watching all your coupled up friends be all couple-ly while you are being all “Die alone in your kitchen and be found two weeks later, eaten by neighborhood cats.” Don’t shun your coupled up friends, they’re people too afterall. But don’t make them your ONLY New Year’s Eve companions.

Don’t Drink/Drug/Self-Medicate Yourself Numb – I’m most certainly not one to advocate telling other people how to celebrate in terms of comsumption. In fact, I would be fine if whiskey were added to the FDA’s Food Pyramid, up by the fats to be drank “in moderation.” Yet something about New Year’s Eve screams “Get fall-down drunk and pass out in a closet so you don’t even have to deal with the kiss issue.” I can almost (like 98.7%) guarantee that will not end well.

Don’t Look For The Desperate New Year’s Eve Kiss..Or More – Desperate is the operative word in that sentence. If you find your own unknown random cute boy (or girl) and you’re feeling the kiss vibe, go with it.  But we’ve all been there, longing for some sort of human companionship and a little…you know…when we are feeling at our loneliest. It is encouraged somehow if you decide to go against the “Don’t Go Numb” note above. But let’s consider…do you REALLY want to start 2011 by having to Coyote Ugly your way out of a awkward embrace?

Remember…midnight happens for a mere second. This too shall pass my friends.

How are you spending your single New Year’s Eve?

Being single during the holidays is like that explosion of tinsel up the side of a tree.

It’s a big glob that you can’t take your eyes off of.  Consuming the whole decorating process as you try to piece it into other parts of the tree.  Pulling it apart, piece by piece, analyzing to try to make sense of it all.

You know that if you could get it just right then the tree would be perfect.  But no matter how long you work on it, no matter how hard you try, there’s always a piece of tinsel out of place.  Something that doesn’t feel quite right.

Some people love tinsel at the holidays.  Some people think it’s absolutely wretched.  There’s something about it though.  All sparkly and mesmerizing.  Makes you think there’s gotta be something shiny to this holiday thing.

And certainly there is.  There are some very good reasons to find sparkly shiny goodness at the holiday season.  Not just on the tree, but in all of it.

Here are 5 great reasons to be single during the holidays.  None of the warm fuzzy friends and family spirit of the season.  Good solid “Thank goodness I’m a big blob of tinsel” reasons.

1. No extravagent romantic presents to buy – Buying gifts during the holidays for people is bad enough.  You’ve gotta spend so much, cause you buy expensive presents for people you love.  Or like a lot.  Somehow you throw in finding the perfect gift for that perfect someone, and it’s a painful recipe for insulting injury.   She complains all the time about how messy her kitchen is, why isn’t it a thoughtful gift to buy her a super spiffy electronic mop?  It’s loving to cut up all his old T-Shirts and make a quilt out of them.  Who needs that stress?!

2. Joint travel calendars and party replies – It’s hard enough scheduling for one person during the holidays.  All the parties, all the meals, all the events.  Like a rag doll you get jerked all around in a hundred directions, and that’s all on your own.  Imagine adding in another set of obligations.  Two families vying for your attentions on high holy holidays.  Two sets of corporate holiday parties.  Too too many!

3. The questions aren’t so bad – Sure, your well intentioned family wants to know who you are seeing.  When you’ll finally drag bring someone to the final night of lights.  Those questions that tweak but are what they are.  What about the questions coupled up friends have to deal with?  When are you getting married?  When are you having kids?  When will people stop butting into lives over mashed potatoes?!

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Emma Innocenti

4. There’s all that love around – There’s got to be a reason they made “snog” and “nog” rhyme.  People are just spilling over with good will and cheer, wanting to share it with the world around them.  You find a door frame with that magical greenery hanging from the frame.  It’s like a veritable petri dish of stolen kisses and loving moments.  You can even practice on this virtual mistletoe from Hugo & Cat.

5. Opportunity is everything – You know that cute girl you’ve been admiring at the office?  Or that boy who makes your coffee with a sly grin and brown puppy eyes.  What better time of year is there to give it a try?!  There’s holiday parties and festive events and fireplaces and hot cocoa.  And with all that love and cheer and no one wanting to be alone, why not help the process along?  Give it a chance.

Come on now.  Doesn’t that give you hope during this cold winter time?

I had but one goal as I got ready for the Maine Law School Holiday party two weeks ago.

I desperately, with every fiber of my being, did not want to end up like Bridget Jones at the Law Council Dinner.  While I was going with my best friend from college and her husband so I didn’t really have to worry the whole night about waiting to be proposed to, I was still terrified how I was going to make it through the night without being a complete fool.

I mean these people are law school students.  I have not attempted any of the testing myself, but I’m pretty sure you have to be really smart to get into law school.  Not the kind of smart where you know the answers to all the Jeopardy or were in Gifted & Talented classes your entire pre-college school life.  But they are smart in that way that is dedicated and studious and can recite tort law code thingies upon request.

I was not sure exactly what to expect.  I had been lured to Grace with promises of a fun night and a mashed potato bar.  What can I say, I am a girl who is easily swayed by the idea of laughter, starchy carbs and bacon.

I was also convinced that an evening with a bunch of law students was going to be only slightly less mind-numbing than watching paint dry.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Nga Nguyen

I arrived at Grace and immediately realized that my freelance artist spirit might not adjust well to the crowd.  Men in suits and women in mono-chromatic structured dresses made my leather knee-high boots, tights and teal-patterned knit dress look terribly out of place.  I kept trying to convince myself that the fact that it was a Michael Kors somehow made it ok.

I sipped a vodka & tonic looking around the room, wondering what I had gotten myself into.  I was so excited for my friend, a first semester-first year law student.  Who is awesome.  And invited me to this event where I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I didn’t belong and they all knew it.

Not fitting in, standing along the wall, eating mashed potatoes from a martini glass.  The only bright light to the night appeared to be the DJ for the night, who’s remixes and masterings reminded me of my obsession with the new Girl Talk album I had downloaded that week.

Friends, I cannot emphasize this enough.

I WAS WRONG!

Those Maine Law students know how to party.

And have a great night.  And show an outsider a fun time.  And many of them are damn talented dancers too!

It’s always hard being single at a party or event.  You want to be outgoing, meet new people, and have fun.  But putting yourself out there, letting go of the snobbish and uncalled for judgements and shaking your thang out on the dance floor all mix together for a night of fun that I talked about for days afterwards.

What can I saw, Maine Law School?  You proved me wrong.  Thanks for showing a single girl a great time!

Have you been in a situation where your first judgement almost cost you having a great time?