Not gonna lie…there are times that being single sucks.
Sure, there are times being single pretty much kicks a lot of butt (check back for those – I like to finish on a positive!) but like I learned in Mr. Crowley’s 12th grade physics class, for every action there must be an equal but opposite reaction. So for everything that is awesome about single-hood, there are also things that grate on your like a cheese press at Cinque Terre.
I’m told that while it does seem to be the mission of just about every couple a single person knows to get them paired up and aboard the ark, deep inside there’s a longing for the grassy field we singles frolic in. Apparently they have forgotten the slugs that you sometimes squidge your feet onto in that verdant grassy knoll.
Over the past couple weeks I’ve had a few of those “Wah, this being single thing sucks more than 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife” moments. And no, not even angry single girl music from Alanis Morissette could bring me out of my slump. Some of the worst of them have been:
Being Home Sick Remember the good old days, when staying home sick meant Mom or Dad essentially spoiled you rotten for a 24-hour period. Making toast, getting ginger ale, watching you while you slept (in the not-creepy-but-making-sure-you-kept-breathing sort of way,) checking your forehead with the back of their hand for spikes in fevers, etc etc? Well, earlier this summer when I got hit with the ridiculously useless “summer cold” I sat on my couch shivering (in 80 degree weather, mind you) willing some beef & barley soup with ginger ale to magically morph itself onto my coffee table. Alas, my morphing abilities are not yet honed, and I had to (in my sickest state of affairs) drag myself to the store to buy said rations and also cold medicine and juice.
I’m pretty sure no one wanted to hit on me at the grocery store that day.
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Corinne Boutin
Showers No, not the wet and wild in a tub or shower stall kind of showers, you dirty people! And this one may ring a little more true for the ladies than the guys. When my guy friends have a bachelor party, they revel in the opportunity to celebrate bachelorhood one last time (well, for the married guys they pretendthey are bachelors for a few hours.) For girls, both bridal and baby showers are opportunities to get together and gush and goo over all things coupled up and settled down ladies do. From Pampered Chef parties and “how my husband is just a total sheet hog *giggle giggle*” to breast pumps and “My little Parker makes the nastiest brownish-green poops when he’s had formulac formula and it looks just like that melted candy bar in a diaper you are trying to guess,” the entire thing seems to be an exercise in reminding a single girl for at least two hours what she doesn’t have but everyone else does.
Cause we all know that a girl’s ultimate purpose in life should be to get married, settle down and make babies…
Eating and Cooking For One I feel like the person answering the phone my favorite Chinese restaurant giggles a little inside their head every time I order the Pu-Pu Platter and Wonton Soup for one for pick-up. And other than ramen noodles and peanut butter & jelly, it’s really difficult to make meals for just one person. Heck, when I buy a loaf of bread it is usually moldy by the time I’m halfway through it. I’m just one person bread maker! I can’t eat an entire loaf by myself in 5 days time!
I swear, I will learn to cook more than sesame chicken “stir-fry” once I have more than just myself to cook for on a regular basis!
Someone To Hold You There are just some times that you want to curl up in a ball and feel someone’s arms around you while you shun the world or sob uncontrollably. It’s usually after a really hard day/week/month or when something ridiculously sad and devastating happens. Sitting alone on a couch, curled up in a blanket, drinkingMerlot from a sippy cup and watching chick flicks only gets you so far in the emotional purging process. Having someone there to lean on for support and allow yourself to be vulnerable with for just a brief moment is a luxury not everyone has.
And it’s a little weird to booty-text your “friend” and ask if they mind cuddling you for an evening.
Dating Is Exhausting Work Ask most any coupled up person, and they’ll tell you that while they miss the reckless and carefree days of their singledom, the one thing they DON’T miss is “having to put themselves out there.” And that’s because, quite frankly, dating is exhausting. Being outgoing, being available, looking your best, meeting people, flirting with people, getting a number, giving out a number, agonizing over calling/being called, finally going out, first date jitters, wondering if there will be a first kiss, getting a first date hug and kiss on the cheek, pacing before a second date and breaking out in hives, having a great time, finally getting your first kiss, going out a bunch more, getting dumped a month later, detoxing from the emotional roller coaster of it all…I’m getting tired just typing it! Yet if you are single, it’s the process you go through again and again until you find “the one” that saves you from the vicious cycle of it all.
And if you don’t find them? Well, lather rinse repeat baby, cause no single person ever got coupled up sitting at home in their jammies wondering where all the cute boys are.
As I said, next week I’ll have a bright and shining list of reasons being single is pretty much awesome, cause I like to end on a high note.
But for now, what else would you add to the list of reasons that being single isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be?