Two Lost Souls

1 out of 8 couples that got married last year met online.

That’s not to say that they went out on a few dates and then added them on Facebook, eventually taking the all important step of updating their status to let the world know they are legit.

And these are just the people who got MARRIED from dating online.  How many others had healthy long-term relationships that just didn’t work out?  Or maybe are still dating at the time of the data gathering.  Still, there are those folks who met online but continue carrying on the story of how their eyes met over lattes at the local coffee shop where in reality that’s where they chose to meet for the first time cause public places are safer that way.

This isn’t about online dating so much, especially since I’ve written a fair amount on it already.  My jury is still out on the whole process, I think it works wonderfully for some and is the equivalent of a loud night of bachelorette parties and 21st celebrations in the Old Port for others.

This is a careful look at one of the top 3 pieces of advice single people hear far too often that has truly begun to perplex me.  And that piece of advice is the popular “You’ll find it when you are least expecting it” for which it’s close derivitive is “Maybe you’re trying too hard.”

Gives a whole new meaning to "being clingy"
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Joos Mind

The funny thing with this advice is that it’s frequently coming from someone who either met their significant other at the age of 20 in Econ 301 or in one of thosefreak Hollywood movie-type moments that a tiny piece of the population actually experiences.  People who rolled the dice and somehow came out with Yahtzee.

But if the secret for “older singles” (oh god, am I an “older single” at the age of 30?!) is to not look or try to find someone, then how is it that all these people are having success finding love online?  That process is a life lesson in trying and looking and clicking and emailing and one thing after another to weed out your next potential date from a saturated fishbowl that everyone is just swimming around in.  Year after year.

Don’t get me wrong.  There does come a point in time that, like the photo above, desperation just gets a little too clingy.  And potential mates can smell that pressing need “to be with someone” from miles away.  There’s a lot to be said for being comfortable and confident and happy on your own, and looking for someone to share that with rather than finding someone to complete it.

It’s like the job hunt.  I’ve never once heard someone tell a job seeker “Maybe you’re trying too hard to find a job.  Have you ever thought of not looking and just seeing what happens?”  Of course not!  Cause we all know that people NEED jobs.  On top of finding something to occupy a good 20-75 hours of your week (depending) that job is the thing that pays you.  And people need paychecks to exist in the world.

But I get the impression everyone needs love to exist too.  So what is so wrong with wanting to find that?

am, however, taking this piece of dating advice under careful advisement, cause I know how much guys REALLY like bacon.

Where do you draw the line?  At what point is being open and looking for the right dating opportunity just an act of desperation?

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