Too Much Benefit

Everyone will tell you that when you are dating you have to give your dates the benefit of the doubt.  If you eliminate someone before you even get to know them based on just a few small details, then you may never learn what a great guy they are.  And in some schools of thought, you will end up as a spinster artifically inseminated and unable to find the true love you let slip through your fingers at the ancient age of 31.

Or something like that.

So we as daters go out of our way to overlook little idiosyncrasies, pushing past the bad parts to get to the good.  My friend (yes, this is actually my friend and NOT actually me) once went out on a date with a boy she had met from an online dating site.  Not that there is anything wrong with online dating sites.  I’ve definitely come around on their effectiveness.

But what about the guy she met on there.  The one that every cell in her brain progressively told her to end the date with.  The person she actually went to dinner with AND THEN went to a bar for a few drinks.

The one that she attempted to give so many benefits of doubt to that she began to doubt her own instinct and attraction because (again) as daters we’re all supposed to give all these benefits of doubt!

When is it TOO MUCH benefit in benefit of doubt
Photo Credit: Getty Images – JGI/Jamie Grill

The date started well enough, he drove over an hour to meet her in Portland so she offered to pay for dinner (hey, she’s a progressive girl…willing to bear even weight in a relationship.)  The dinner conversation was pretty awkward, but she figured that maybe it was just that he was nervous.

It included a delightful discussion of dinner choices during which she talked about her favorite but he had never had it.  Not out of availability or inconvenience or even a horrific food allergy.  Nope, he just never had eaten it because he had never lived away from home and his parents had never cooked it for him.

As they got in the car between this awkward dinner and drinks at Gritty’s he offered her a mint.  Thoughtful, maybe he wants her to have nice breath later…you know…for things that would involve close proximity of breaths.  “Yeah, when I realized there were no tolls I decided to buy some mints with my last dollar.”

“Oh, the last dollar in your wallet.  I hate that!” she replied.

“Nope, last dollar I had.”

Oh, did I forget to mention that he is unmployed and barely attempting to find gainful employment.

Needless to say drinks were on her as well.  Which was even more awkward conversation and an awkward moment at the door where she thought he was holding it open behind him for her, but instead it slammed in her face.

Fitting really.  Sometimes the Universe has a way of metaphoring what we need to understand in theory.

Have you ever gone TOO FAR in the benefit of the doubt?  When is too far really TOO FAR?

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