Exes Should Not Be “Friends”

I wish sometimes that the song had been correct, and all my exes DID live in Texas.

I should probably rephrase that…cause I have a number of exes in the Greater Portland/Maine area code that are great guys and I’m more than happy to pal around with.  In fact, with a lot of them being friends has been easier than being involved.  I just get how to hang out with boys.  And I totally value their friendships.

So when one reaches out after the inevitable “split” happens (I realize that while *I* may be ok with the friends with exes thing, they may not…so I give them the opportunity to make the decision) I will gladly sit down and catch up over a beer at Rivalry’s.  The way I figure it, if we had enough in common to date at one point then we certainly should have enough to keep a friendly relationship in tact.  I mean, at SOME POINT I enjoyed having them around, right?!

Which is why it was a little out of character for me to be working on an article Sunday morning a couple months ago and freak the hell out.  No, not because I was freaking out about a date with a boy or anything like that.  But because I got a little notification that came popping into my inbox telling me that I had a friend request on Facebook.

Facebook…the social media tool that makes it possible for exes to track their exes down whether they live in Texas or Thailand.

Ghosts of the Past in Facebook
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Fursov Aleksey

Apparently we have a mutual friend that knew him years back and me now.  I commented on said friend’s wall post.  Ex found me.  And boom.  Friended.  After at least 3 years of def-con one radio silent communication.  I did what any red-blooded girl would do.  I felt all the color drain from my face, closed the laptop, get up off the couch and proceeded to go upstairs and do laundry.

Each time I walked past my cherry red Netbook it mocked me.  Enticing me to open it up and accept the friend request.  I avoided it for about two hours, then curiosity (and let’s face it…he was a great maker-outer…) got the better of me and I accepted.  And being the genuine person I was (cause really, why the heck would you friend someone that you had no desire to interact with?!) I sent him a note.

Carefully stategerized to be nonchalant and non-committal I responded “Hey Stranger, how goes it?”

I know…you are all jealous of my mad suave skills.

He wrote back a very nice email about life, what had been going on, and that I occasionally floated into his mind and he wondered how I was.  I wrote back about my life, stuff going on, and whatnot and thanked him for the friend request.

Now I should note that these next actions are NO DIFFERENT than the way I treat any of my other “friends” on Facebook.

I commented on a status of his, sent a note when said mutual friend and I were chatting about how they used to live in the same apartment building and finally (partially to test my own theory) on a photo.

I should also note that he is on Facebook all the time so it isn’t like he isn’t “using” the site frequently.


Seriously?!  What the what?!  YOU FRIENDED ME!!!

Are we friends on Facebook for the mere ability to stalk?!  Why on EARTH would you reach out after 3 years of ignoring each other just to ignore me IN A COMPLETELY NEW MEDIUM?!

Who cares if my exes live in Texas or not.  Thanks to Facebook they all exist a little too close to home.  And I’ve now hidden all his updates and statuses…who needs such drama in their life?  I’ve got enough of my own!

Are you Facebook “friends” with your exes?  Is there a statute of limitations on being friends (virtually or otherwise) after a break-up? 

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