Open Letter To Cupid

Dear Cupid – Let’s be straight. We are clearly in a fight.

I’d like to say that I am a single, bitter girl. That my icy demeanor has hardened me to the sweetness of your confectionary accolades. That I am writing you a ranting manifesto because I am so overcome with seething rage that I see flashes of red.

Or that I am so desperately and painfully alone that I would date anyone who gives me the slightest hint of interest. That I spend all my nights curled up with pints of Ben & Jerry’s watching marathons of Grey’s Anatomy and crying my way through a box of tissues.

I mean sure. I’ve kind of been in both places a bit before. And the explosion of pink and hearts and shiny things coming up next week certainly is not helping.

But the truth is, fat little winged baby, I am not angry OR sad. In fact, it is actually easier to feel those emotions. Because as expansive and huge as those feelings are, at least I understand them. Yet, the only word I can come up with to describe my whole love situation is: frustrated.

* I am frustrated that I am so content and happy with my life that I’m not “putting myself out there” trying to find the love of my life.

* I am frustrated by the nagging feeling that even though I am content and happy I want someone to share things with.

* I am frustrated that people whisper and speculate about “why I’m still single” like there must be something wrong with me.

* I am frustrated that I let myself occasionally wonder if there IS indeed something wrong with me cause I am still single.

* I am frustrated that my guy friends constantly muse over a pint of beer that they “don’t understand why I don’t have a boyfriend.”

* I am frustrated that I have such a hopelessly romantic soul trapped in a ridiculously analytical mind.

* I am frustrated that I do not shun the idea of pure unrestrained vulnerable love nor do I embrace it.

* I am frustrated that I feel like punching people in the throat as hard as I can when they tell me to “not to try so hard” or “that love will find you when you least suspect it” or “have you tried online dating?”

* I am frustrated that the person I am interested in makes me laugh when I am stressed and is brilliant and adventurous and adorable and all that stupid lovey-dovey junk.

* I am frustrated that I don’t want to date perfectly wonderful guys that are interested in me.

* I am frustrated that Molly Ringwald and Meg Ryan and those Disney Princesses all sold me on a fantasy of love that absolutely does not exist.

I am frustrated that I know that the fantasy is not reality.

I am frustrated that I really truly deep down inside the depths of my soul believe that 80% of the world got some awesome starting quarterback Cupid

Everyone Else's Cupid
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Zone Creative

And I somehow got the second-string JV Waterboy.

My Cupid
Photo Credit: GettyImages – Maria Pavlova

So yes, I am not overly STOKED to be single for the 11th straight Valentine’s Day in a row (thank you college boyfriend for saving me from an even dozen on that statistic!)

I don’t want to force a relationship or desperately plead with the universe to find me my missing piece just so that I can finally be with someone.

And I don’t want to sit home alone in the dark sobbing hysterically at my lonely misery while loading a potato gun and red-lining my ex’s neighborhood.

I just want a chance.

A chance to feel love and to give love in return.

I don’t think that is so much to ask for.

So…JV Waterboy Cupid…you wanna hook a girl up?

Literally.

If you were able to write an open letter to Cupid – what would you want to tell him?

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