Archive for February 9, 2011

Open Letter To Cupid

Dear Cupid – Let’s be straight. We are clearly in a fight.

I’d like to say that I am a single, bitter girl. That my icy demeanor has hardened me to the sweetness of your confectionary accolades. That I am writing you a ranting manifesto because I am so overcome with seething rage that I see flashes of red.

Or that I am so desperately and painfully alone that I would date anyone who gives me the slightest hint of interest. That I spend all my nights curled up with pints of Ben & Jerry’s watching marathons of Grey’s Anatomy and crying my way through a box of tissues.

I mean sure. I’ve kind of been in both places a bit before. And the explosion of pink and hearts and shiny things coming up next week certainly is not helping.

But the truth is, fat little winged baby, I am not angry OR sad. In fact, it is actually easier to feel those emotions. Because as expansive and huge as those feelings are, at least I understand them. Yet, the only word I can come up with to describe my whole love situation is: frustrated.

* I am frustrated that I am so content and happy with my life that I’m not “putting myself out there” trying to find the love of my life.

* I am frustrated by the nagging feeling that even though I am content and happy I want someone to share things with.

* I am frustrated that people whisper and speculate about “why I’m still single” like there must be something wrong with me.

* I am frustrated that I let myself occasionally wonder if there IS indeed something wrong with me cause I am still single.

* I am frustrated that my guy friends constantly muse over a pint of beer that they “don’t understand why I don’t have a boyfriend.”

* I am frustrated that I have such a hopelessly romantic soul trapped in a ridiculously analytical mind.

* I am frustrated that I do not shun the idea of pure unrestrained vulnerable love nor do I embrace it.

* I am frustrated that I feel like punching people in the throat as hard as I can when they tell me to “not to try so hard” or “that love will find you when you least suspect it” or “have you tried online dating?”

* I am frustrated that the person I am interested in makes me laugh when I am stressed and is brilliant and adventurous and adorable and all that stupid lovey-dovey junk.

* I am frustrated that I don’t want to date perfectly wonderful guys that are interested in me.

* I am frustrated that Molly Ringwald and Meg Ryan and those Disney Princesses all sold me on a fantasy of love that absolutely does not exist.

I am frustrated that I know that the fantasy is not reality.

I am frustrated that I really truly deep down inside the depths of my soul believe that 80% of the world got some awesome starting quarterback Cupid

Everyone Else's Cupid
Photo Credit: Getty Images – Zone Creative

And I somehow got the second-string JV Waterboy.

My Cupid
Photo Credit: GettyImages – Maria Pavlova

So yes, I am not overly STOKED to be single for the 11th straight Valentine’s Day in a row (thank you college boyfriend for saving me from an even dozen on that statistic!)

I don’t want to force a relationship or desperately plead with the universe to find me my missing piece just so that I can finally be with someone.

And I don’t want to sit home alone in the dark sobbing hysterically at my lonely misery while loading a potato gun and red-lining my ex’s neighborhood.

I just want a chance.

A chance to feel love and to give love in return.

I don’t think that is so much to ask for.

So…JV Waterboy Cupid…you wanna hook a girl up?

Literally.

If you were able to write an open letter to Cupid – what would you want to tell him?

Unfriend, Delete and Block Your Ex on February 13th?

I have some unhealthy relationships with exes.

Really, who doesn’t?

If you have accepted a ex’s friend request on Facebook (but with a severe filter), dodged their harsh gazes at Greendrink events, tried to recreate the feelings from the past in the moments from the present…then you might have an unhealthy relationship with your ex as well.

In a recent study by the folks over at Your Tango, 81% of single responders admitted to thinking about their exes too much.

Let’s just take a minute and let that sink in.

81% of us think about our ex too much.

Suffice to say, if you are reading this article, 8 out of 10 of you have stopped skimming the text and let your mind wander to memories of field frolicking and jazz music listening bliss with “S/He Who Shall Not Be Named.”

Last summer, after my slightly traumatic dumping that never happened (as far as I know we might still be dating, he never returned my calls), I found the wonderful program that is Ex-Blocker.

Yet that only hides your ex. And when it comes to emotions out of sight does not really mean out of mind.

Plus, the program eliminates ALL mentions of keywords on the page. So if you dated Ryan Reynolds (you know…that OTHER Ryan Reynolds) then my friend, Green Lantern is coming out this year and you do NOT want to block those images. *sigh*

With all this attachment and avoidance, YourTango.com is offering a solution I for one am excited to get on board with.

Should You Break Up With Your Ex on February 13th? Sponsored by YourTango
(Photo Credit: YourTango.com)

National Break Up With Your Ex Day will take place on February 13th this year, priming the way for you to open your heart to new possibilities and happiness on the most manufactured love day of the year.

I mean…starting Valentine’s Day this year you will have a clean slate (I’m not bitter…I’m not bitter…I need chocolate.)

And believe me, after you have un-friended and un-followed every last bit of your ex in the cyber-realm, you will not go crawling back asking to be friends again.

No seriously. Don’t.

Take it from someone who *may* have experience. Unless you are ACTUALLY friends again this will absolutely end in embarrassment, mortification and heartbreak all over again.

The Facebook page and app offer you badges and updates and lots of fun gadgets to make the painful process of writing the final chapter in a story of what could have been slightly more bearable. I would probably include whiskey and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, but we all grieve in our own ways.

Not sure if you truly have enough inner angst to completely sever ties? You can take the short 5 question quiz to determine “Should You Break Up With Your Ex.”

When I took it my results read:

Survivor: You still experience some pain, but you’re on the right path. Even though you don’t hate or pine over your ex as much, you can’t help feeling a little sad when seeing little reminders of him. You’re spending time with your friends, you deleted his number, you’ve gone on dates with other guys, so what’s the deal? You’re doing everything people told you to do, but why is it taking so long to get over him? Be patient and vigilant. If he calls you up, keep the conversation short and don’t look into his intentions. When you start dating, evaluate your choices to see if those guys are clones of your ex, or if they are guys you actually like. If he tries to friend you again on Facebook, REJECT his request! You’re on the right path, so eliminate triggers that could set you a couple of paces back.

Yeah, that’s kind of what I figured.

After a binge this holiday season that involved approximately 27 mis-steps in my attempts at dating and finding merriment for 6 weeks, I’m ready for a clean slate.

What do you think? Will you be breaking up with your ex on February 13th?