Dreams In Color and Dreams In Red

Sometimes not even mainlining Tootsie Rolls into the Universe’s arm will not get you what you want.

What, you didn’t know that?  I learned about it from my brilliant writing colleague in Pennsylvania, Susan Pogorzelski.  Yeah, the Universe is TOTALLY a weak link that will take bribes in the form of Tootsie Rolls to do your bidding.

Well, you’ll somehow think you are going to get what you want.  The Universe is a crafty bastard that way.  And generally, it knows better.  Much as I hate to admit it.

I’ve never been one of those “everything happens for reason” or “it all works out the way it’s supposed to in the end.”  Those are all silly things we tell ourselves when things go horribly awry and we try to wrap our feeble simple minds around it.  It saves us from the pain that will follow when we finally have to admit what we have lost or given up.

And it’s another piece of advice that people offer because they have no idea what else to say.

I am, however, a believer in signs.  More appropriately those things we think are signs, but are actually just our minds’ way of telling us exactly what we already know to be true.  Like horoscopes, the signs are vague and apply to many because each sign has something to tell us.

One sign, for me, has let me know whether or not I’m making a good decision ending what could be a great relationship.

It's about hearing the signs even when you don't want to
Photo Credit: Getty Images – John Howard

It started in college for me, after a boy told me we couldn’t hang out anymore by playing 98 Degrees song “The Hardest Thing.”  To this day I hate that song.  I mean, really?!  I got dumped via 1990’s boy band?!  But I sure got even with him by drinking copious amounts of some syrupy berry-flavored brandy and wandering around the quad unaccompanied at 2 AM.

Songs just started holding onto memories for me.

I’ve loved Pearl Jam from the moment I first heard them.  Truly, how can anyone not love Eddie Vedder’s raspy yet somehow silken voice belting out lyrics over guitar riffs that would make Hendrix gush?!  So while I was sitting in my dorm room telling Lee over First Class chat that I no longer thought we should be dating, it didn’t really really have any effect to hear Better Man lilting from my WinAmp player.

Years later it has never failed me.  Mostly in my car, listening to the radio, contemplating whether I want to call/text/email/visit.  Off of varied radio stations.  Which is amazing since the song came out in 1994.

After a date to Gritty’s last summer.  This April driving to a meeting in Connecticut.  After my Bluegrass boy and on my way home from the Audobon trails dating the first boy I dated after moving back to Portland.

And last night, driving home from Hannaford’s.  And before that coming home from a business mixer at The Porthole.  And before that returning over the Veteran’s Bridge of I295 after a night of playing games and laughing and happiness in Old Orchard Beach.

No matter how many Tootsie Rolls I’ve thrown at the Universe, it’s been throwing it’s own bribes at me.  Drilling me with the answer to what I’ve secretly known all along.

That sometimes, we lie and tell ourselves that we need to be with them.  That we can’t find a Better Man.  Which is sometimes true.

But more often than not, we probably already knew that.

What signs tend to show up in your dating life?  Do you listen or mainline your own Tootsie Rolls out to the Universe?

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